gone

If I went back a month or so ago I would never have imagined I would have to let you go I wouldn't have thought to send that breakup text for you to see across the sea June 13th. 11:22 am "long distance is tough.. drifting apart...spark isn't there anymore...you'll find that special person for you...not me...I value our time together... I'll miss you." Little snippets of paragraph after paragraph all to just say. I don't love you anymore. so now you're gone. a happy place in my past that isn't so happy. I look back now and I see us on zoom laughing, talking while it was my morning and your night. and at that time I thought. I thought. I thought. I thought. I thought maybe just maybe you were my forever person. then came the comments so small but so noticeable at the same time "you should lose some weight" "we need to look hot" "workout more" "your friends are so pretty, why don't you look more like them?" such words that are simply just letters on a screen that just hurt. it made me want to claw my brain out and reprimand it for its stupidity to rip out my heart and tear what was left of it to shreds. but I chose myself. I took what dignity I had left and left you. I left you there hoping that you'd finally see how you treated me. see how hurt it made me and maybe, just maybe, you'll finally know how to treat a woman. and I hope, God, I hope if you don't and you find another girl and treat her just as you did me? that she'll hurt you more than you hurt me. because at the end of the day you are still the scum of the earth and I know now what it is to be a woman and live for myself. not you.