How I Survive Being A Teenage Aspie

I always knew I was different

The rushing current in my head should have given it away 

All the racing, spinning, bubbling thoughts 

Overflowing out of my ears

I never slept because I thought so much

Or maybe when I covered my ears even when it wasn't loud

Or perhaps how I never made many friends

Maybe somone should have asked how I felt

But no one did

So I faced the injustices

Injustices felt by many elementary school girl with no friends

No one thought that it was odd when kids made fun of me

So neither did I

I never liked going to new places

It always stressed me out 

It didnt matter whether it was visiting a new grocery store or a new country

I always freaked out

My answers to the question "Why don't you like it here?"

Or "Why are you crying?"

Never made anyone happy

Because I could never explain what was wrong

When I started middle school 

I started making freinds

But I also started making enemies

I got bullied about everything

Everything from my lisp to my weight

And teachers never told them to stop so I thought it was ok

13 years old 

I was 13 years old when they diagnosed me with autism

13 years old when I was told that my brain colors outside the lines 

Coloring in a way that goes against they way history and science said it should

And that day I died a little inside

My parents tried to tell me that nothing has changed 

And I pretended to belive them

I knew they meant well

But it changed everything

And a lot of it was in a good way

I had a name for what was going on in my head

And with a name came answers

I could research and find ways to help my stress

I could find a community of people who's brains were more like mine

A community with messy, scribbled pages just like mine

I don't think my parents understood what it meant for me 

But I don't think they would get it even if I tried

But I was ok with that 

Because I'm done being the mystery

I'm done being the crazy girl

I'm done wondering what's wrong with me

But now,

I am NOT a mystery

I am NOT crazy

And there is NOTHING wrong with me

Sometimes I think about those bullies

And those teachers who said nothing

I am not one to let go of the past

I am one to take it, frame it, and add it to the wall

And if I ever see any of those sick bastards again

I will say to them

"Look who it is! The girl you thought would crumble.

The girl you called crazy. The girl you let get beat on.

Well I'm still here! And I don't plan on leaving.

Because I found out what was "wrong" with me.

And I found out I'm an Aspie. And I'm proud of it.

I'm wearing it like a trophy,

A trophy that you tried to make a sticker of shame.

But I will NEVER, EVER let ANYONE make me feel ashamed.

Ashamed of being "Special" 

Ashamed of something I can't control

But I love myself just the way I am"

I'm still 13

Still Autistic 

And still figuring out,

How To Survive Being a Teenage Aspie