Kiss My Size 12

Feeling trapped in your own skin is a feeling I would equate to having a life sentence to an inescapable prison for a crime you didn’t commit.

Fortunately

I have almost always been quite comfortable with myself.

It is other people

who bring the problems.

While I may be perfectly at ease with my jeans size

and ability to pull off a t-shirt and shorts better than Selena Gomez,

when I am around other girls, my confidence seems to go down. 

Don’t get me wrong,

I still have confidence

but I get really insecure about things like my stretch marks.

The funny truth though is that when I look at myself

and how I look at other people,

I am rarely noticing the things that I

and girls like me

feel the most self-conscious about.

Why?

Because things like my personality and my voice 

stick out way more

than what I’m wearing

and what my thighs look like in it.

At least when I’m are having a genuine conversation with someone. 

It’s something I am still working on.

If someone is judging me

[from afar]

based upon clothes and makeup

all of their pre-judgments will probably evaporate when they actually get to know me. 

Every once in a while

there comes a person who chooses not to get to know me for those reasons.

But I always ask myself

"Do I truly want people that judge that quickly and that shallowly in my life?"

My answer is no.

Sure,

it would be nice to be able to buy smaller clothes sometimes,

or maybe

to be able to wear a bikini

without my mom telling me I shouldn’t be seen in public.

But I like who I am,

regardless of my size.

Do I envy these more slender girls?

When I am shopping with them,

yes.

But otherwise,

I think

they actually have it worse than I do. 

They are what is often considered

the ideal body type

but they also are the receivers

of a lot of jealousy and hate.

Terms like

“anorexic whore”

“lucky dog”

and “skinny bitch”

are things I have heard them called when out in public.

Yeah, people actually say things like that.

This is the 21^st century after all. What kind of people would we be if we didn’t hate everyone equally?