Letting GO

Maybe there are icicles on your tongue maybe your tonsils are the poles maybe you can't help the bitter frostbitten breath you bark at me. I know that some kids don't get a lot of hugs and affection and some who do get the burning embrace of wildfire expectations that can never be met despite all the efforts. Maybe you think pushing me down will lift you up. But guess what? You absolutely missed when you told everyone that I look like an elephant- trunk and fat and all. 'cause it is a fact that elephants remember every stick and stone that has hit them just like I still hold on to every insult that shaped me into who I am. A shape that resembles none of your "jokes". My mother says that you're not worth my time and I don't know the conversion between time and money yet but I imagine you must be broke off all the time you spent breaking me down. I know that my time is better saved for rainy days because the clouds are never in a rush to finish crying, and even after, their tears don't go to waste in my flower garden. So guess what If I ever got handed the chance to get you back I wouldn't take it. Even after all the hurt. And the rejection and the loss. 'cause I know that I wasn't the broken one. Even I know that the words you say can ricochet and shatter your conscience with the debris. If I'm a casualty then you're the culprit and the victim- My mother said I should never sweat the small stuff but being called a whale during PE freshman year while running the mile seemed large enough to perspire. and it is a fact that one breath of a blue whale could inflate 2000 balloons which would definitely put a dent in the decorations for my pity party. I would send every body an invite. even my ex best friend and her new boyfriend and the kid who pushed me in the halls and the guy who called me a prude and even his jealous girlfriend. Because I want you to tell me the truth and if you pick dare I triple double dog dare you to honestly admit that calling me fat or a slut or poor or stupid or ugly or white trash made you feel better about yourself. made your life so much brighter. I want you to tell me it was worth it. Some people's fathers cling like static I heard static can sometimes shock you and make your hair stand tall like stilts. If I had a daddy who clung like static I think I would throw myself into the dryer and set it to wrinkle release and hope that creases of my childhood might flatten out. On those sad lonely days why can't you just say that it's a not-okay day? Instead of calling me a bitch. or a whore. or a tease. or a pig. 'cause maybe I am a "pig" maybe I'll never be enough for you SO WHAT. it is a fact that pigs were used in wars to sniff out mines just like I can sense that this will one day blow up in your face. I want to be a cup of warm tea. or a dusty worn book. or a guitar case that holds the spare change of the passerbys on second street, owned by the musician who sings his heartbreak about the girl he loved who never loved herself. I want you to love yourself. I want you to love yourself enough to let it go. let it go let me go.