I look back at the few years in my life and I imagine what it would have been like to NOT have gone through what I did to become the person I am today.
Being treated like a freak at circus people laughing without a rope to keep the invaders away.
Hearing words like sharp glass piercing through through your skin, as if it was just measly air.
My mother always told me not to listen to the ones that tease.
But, yet how can I not?
What am I supposed to do to keep the tormentors away?
The scars are far too deep inside.
I went to school fearing of the nightmares that await me.
The scars are too deep to bear everytime I look at my arms I remember the pain that it caused me, to have gone through the torture, as if I was in the fires of hell, begging God.
What have I done?
Screaming at him, "why have you led me through THIS path?! "
Is not seeing me hurt not enough?!
Are the tears that run down my face not express the pain I suffer?!
I turned away from him, I let the demons fill my heart, feeling as if I had nobody and I was probably right.
People that teased the skin that I was cursed to have.
Only for what?
A few scars? Zits? Puberty?
Even the ones that wore my skin, teased me for having it.
The scars are far too deep.
Tormented to the point where you can no longer think, see, or imagine yourself the least beautiful.
Having friends say you are but only viewing it as an isult or joke.
And, if that wasn't enough.
My mother would cry with me knowing that I would come home with battle wounds.
Both emotional and pyshical.
Apparently liking the same gender is viewed as disgust.
And, the only solution for it to go away is to beat the gay away.
My mother always told me the pain will go away.
Numbing it was at least good enough.
Was the heaven for me.
Why live in a world that hates you right?
So I built one of my own.
Love, The one word I hate now.
Because I gave it to this creature I thought was beautful.
The words he told me... Yes... This WAS heaven.
For once everything seemed to be on my side once again... Or so I thought.
Still thinking he loved me.
It took an army for me to wake up.
Realizing the truth.
Realizing that I was doing this to myself.
Letting ALL of this get to me.
I had to rise.
I had to start over.
And, I did.
I rose and took everything that tormented my life and turned it into something beautiful.
For once, I saw light.
I was blinded by the darkness that I unleashed within me.
But, I was reborn.
To NOT have gone through what I did.
I would not have made me as stronger as I am now.
The scars are deep, but my power... my power... MY power is deeper.