See

When people look at me,

What they see is a bigger girl, a fat girl

A girl who could fall into the ocean

and find a home with the whales.

They see a girl, who ate her problems,

A girl who, when asked to run, politely declines.

A girl who could cause an earth quake if, god forbid, she tripped.

They see the shirt that’s a bit too tight and the jeans a bit too small

The way I jiggle, and the way my breasts hang lower than they should.

That is what they see.

They don’t see the fight in my eyes, because they are too busy looking at my gut.

They don’t see the hardships endured, or the scars or the marks left from abuse

They don’t see the tears shed and the broken heart because they would rather make fun of my chins.

They will never be able to see what I have seen.

They will never be able to see like I see.

Even through the snickers and chuckles, I can still see them.

I can see the marks on their wrists left from the sharp edge of a razor,

The bruises on their arms from coming home to a rough hand and loud voice

 The way their arms are too thin and they way they look at food as if they’ve not eaten for days.

The scratches on their neck from the men who feel they can have whatever they want

And the bags under their eyes from nights spent wide awake with a pill bottle wishing to end it all

But also, I see the laugh lines from summer spent happy and safe

I see the way a song makes them reminisce about a time when the sun shined brighter and the sky bluer

I see the look in their eyes as someone they love passes them by and the blush that creeps over their cheeks.

I can see these things as easily as they see my weight

So while they look at me, my appearance

I look at their lives.

Lives that could have ended but didn’t

Lives that can change the world

Lives that should be written about in history books

Lives that just needed to be saved

Lives that were saved