Silence Hurts

Today has been the first time I’ve smiled in years

The first time I haven’t cried myself to sleep

The first day I haven’t been forced to smile on queue

I remember those days so well; my scars won’t let me forget

The days when I would walk the halls, alone, friendless, and peers would whisper

Those whispers would grow loud enough so I could hear the hateful sneers and ear shattering taunts

Fatty, Clumsy, Knock-kneed, Shorty, Bipolar Freak

I try to forget but my mind won’t let me

Their words shooting like gunshots, with me taking every blow, and my tears replacing dripping blood

Teachers, who say they’re concerned ask if I’m alright

I try to tell them; I’m screaming for help, yelping at the top of my breath

But instead I swallow my distasteful insecurities, slap on an artificial smile and say the same slogan

“Everything’s fine”, “I’m ok”, “It’s alright”

Even if it kills me to keep my pain inside, I know that I need to fix this on my own

Walk it of Cece, Walk it of Cece, If you get through this you’ll be stronger

Just ignore the staring jerks, and gossiping witches pushing you around all different ways

Just ignore the spitballs, paper balls and pencils being pelted at your head

Just ignore the endless beatings, with bloody noses, waterfall of tears and bullies fist held so high you

Think it was Jesus Christ giving you judgment at the holy gates

I try to forget but the voices in my head won’t shut up

One part of me is screaming for help, while the other is trying to walk it off

The pressure, the fear, the anxiety, the feeling that this will go on forever

Forever the same nick names Fatty, Clumsy, Knock-kneed, Shorty, Bipolar Freak

 

Forever lying to myself saying it’ll get better if walk it off and keep it inside

I want help, I honestly do, and I guess that’s why I’m telling you about my year-round smile

Today has been the first time I’ve smiled in years

And right now I bet you’re wondering if I need help

Well answer me this; can you hear me now?

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