This smile ...

I smile outwardly to you because I don't need your pity, You see me as a happy, bubbly, and sparkling young woman. Did you ever realize that beyond my smile my eyes are filled with stories I'll never say with my lips? I withhold these stories from you because of my humiliation and fear that YOU would be just another person to point a finger at me. THEY stripped me from my rights. Behind closed doors I detach myself from the person you see as "happy". See I transform to a much more truthful me. Reality sets in ... I am not good enough to be myself with you according to society. Man with woman, woman with man. But, that is not me. I love woman. I am a woman. I hide who I am to ensure your ease. THEY make me sick. I would love to share my truth with you. The lie feels so much better. I rather be loved by a lie than rejected by the truth. Do you understand? I am abandoned by the world. My own mother hates this part of me. She prays for me to change. To change my desire of woman to the desire of a man. THEY agree with my mother. AMBOMINATION! That's what I am to her. But in reality I am just a young woman with a fake smile with real life issues. Today was a lie but tomorrow I declare that my smile will be real. I will be honest. When you see me tomorrow I will glow. My eyes will say "free at last"