Testimony

When I go meet God, I'm gonna have to give myself up to you. Lose my life, lose my heart, lose my soul! I have been dirty and broken and don't deserve your love. Now mom, dad, Jojo, I haven't told you all the truth. I have been low and broken, I almost took that knife and cut and cut. I wanted to hurt, I just wanted to feel something! Every time I was alone I wanted it all to end. “You are never alone” the pastor spoke behind the pulpit. “You don't know how it feels to be so utterly alone.” Like a clay pot I was fragile and empty, nothing to live for. Now I had no hope, no reason to stay here, nobody cared for me!! God why didn't you answer my prayers?! Now I picked up that knife and lifted the blade like a guillotine, screaming, “I am coming to you!” But when it almost touched the skin, images passed through my mind. A life where a mom lost her son and cried every night, where a dad didn't have a young man to listen to his stories about computers and Matchbox Twenty, and where a sister didn't have a brother to pick on and to argue with about the mildest, smallest, thing. Now life is different guys, there is another chance for me. O thank you GOD I am here! Thank you for not giving up on me even when I spat in your face and left you! Thank you for the people in life around me! I could have ran away from everything, I could have blown out the fire, but you wouldn't let me God. Oh thank you God for not letting me. I would never have seen two new lives come into the world, nor ever have heard my dad say those sweet words “I am proud of you”… The feel of a guitar under my arm as I recreate what goes on in me. The taste of the words of a song that echo off the walls in front of me. Oh God thank you for redemption! Just thank you...