Toxicity

To my ex-best friend

That tells everyone she doesn’t know what she did wrong;

You built your confidence by standing on top of me, 

Knowing that I wasn’t strong -- 

Enough or brave enough or big enough to say no 

Manipulation fueled our friendship 

And my hesitation was your green light “go” 

My shaking hands were a sign of your reign 

And you made me want to drink

Until alcohol ran through my veins

My blood- served on the rocks

I tried to keep my feelings encrypted- under locks 

Crooked tooth smiles and faded eyes 

But no one could see I was dying inside 

My words shivered like my bones did in the cold 

That one night you left me all alone 

Through the years I forgot the meaning of friendship 

I forgot it’s okay to be selfish

I forgot that it’s okay to need someone 

I forgot that somewhere there’s someone that would be there for me 

The way that you never were 

Of course- you were always there 

To watch my every step, every turn 

Always telling me “some people just never learn” 

But I’m here to tell you that I guess I finally learned 

That my voice is free 

My voice is unbound by the ropes of your oppression

And now my voice speaks out loud- strong with unapologetic expression

It does not shake, shiver, and is not placed in the corner where you said I belong.