The Unbecoming of a Supposed Gary Stu

The rain in the back of my head comes from
The pain that festers in my heart.
My disdain towards myself makes me bleed more
Then a stab to artery and vein. I bleed
Insecurity when exposed, and it never goes away,
An impenetrable stain, my heavy ball and chain
To carry around, to attempt to maintain
 
So that's why I never let anyone see the insides
I may see the broken, but others see the main
Cliche I've obtained for being "nerdy" or "obsessed",
Never losing his train of thought when put
Into the spotlight. Exposed as one of the top
In the brainy food chain. No ball and chain could
Sink me. Perfection is supposedly thee.
 
So that's why I never let anyone see the insides
Because despite the rain in the back of my head, I
Must sustain it from this peer-made persona. The blood
Of my emotional banes could kill it, and then I'll
Be exposed to everybody, bleeding. The pretending to be
Perfect would be in vain. Everybody would see
The awkward and lost soul that would remain.
 
I'll never let anyone see the insides
I'll stress it till I'm insane, my heart is unbecoming
And even if I am torn apart from the floods and storms
At least I won't have to explain my bleeding out
Onto those who saw me as a vision of what is sane
The Gary Stu everyone hates, but wants to attain.
To be like me, where perfection is supposedly thee.
 
But I wonder what would happened if they could see the real me?
 
This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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