When will I ever fit in?

I don’t want to look ugly.

Makeup will cover up my atrocious acne and protruding pimples.

I can’t smell too sweaty.

I have to smell good, or else no one will be my friend.

I can’t be fat or eat too much.

All the cool kids are skinny.

I have to have a boy crush

Otherwise, they’ll be nothing else to talk about.

I have to be sociable

Everyone likes an outgoing person who has many friends.

I have to be trendy

The clothes I wear have to be the same as everyone else’s.

I have to be popular.

But it’s so hard to make friends.

Its so hard to constantly fit in.

Everyone says I have cakey makeup,

and that I smell like too much perfume,

that I’m anorexic,

that I’m a lesbian,

that I’m fake,

that the clothes I wear are too basic.

I’m trying my hardest.

I need friends.

I need validation.

I want to fit in.

I have to fit in.

“Mom, I’m borrowing your mascara”

“Mom, can you buy me some stronger perfumes?”

“Mom, I don’t feel like eating dinner tonight”

“Mom, can I go to this dance?”

“Mom, can I hang out with my- friends this weekend?”

“Mom, can you get me some new clothes?”

“Mom, I want to move schools.”

“If you want to fit in, you have to try.”

I have tried.

I am trying.

I have been trying my entire life.

When will I ever fit in?