Empty Inside
I wish I could see the person
I AM
not the person I want to
Be
not the person everyone else thinks
I should Be
I am drowning in
Expectations and
Judgments.
I can never be a good nurse
I am not a good CNA
I’m not even a good person and
EVERYONE
hates me.
I am the ugly sister
the outcast of my family.
my father can't even bother to
CALL ME
let alone attempt to rebuild the
BURNT BRIDGE
that has become our relationship
I am not a good enough daughter
I am not a good enough honors student
why do I try?
I cant even be a good friend
they all run
SCREAMING
I think even I am running from me…..
I cannot find my way to the surface
The anxiety of what
I am not
has caused me to
Lock
my heart and
hide the key,
so even I cannot find it.
I feel but I feel only
BLAZING ANGER
at my adversaries
and immense sadness
for what is happening
in my life.
But most of all…
I feel….
……..Empty Inside
because I can no longer feel
how I once felt…
it is like even God himself has abandoned me
even though I know he is here
I am far from being able to hear or feel him
Please……
I want to be human again….
I want to feel again….
let me live again….
raise me from the hell I have hid myself in
lower my defenses
destroy the chains binding my heart
Help me find me again….
because…
I miss her…..