Lost and Found
i got a call two summers ago
that managed to strike my heart cold
no air in my lungs no faith in my soul
fear settled in me
a voice whispered guilty
angry and ashamed and stupid
i shut myself away
putting on my fake smile everyday
i waved hey to my new friends
acting like im comfortable
i tell my fears like it is gossip
how they enjoy to take in my pain
but it is the attention i had craved for so long
its just not the same people
look hard enough and maybe you will see that im tearing at the seams
at first i felt pain and grief and heartache
look at me now
i feel nothing nothing nothing
go to sleep go to school go to therapy repeat
lets see what she can coax out of me
will the paperwork show i'm better if i lie?
if i die?
ten months after
my transparent bruises heal
now i get calls
that end in sweet somethings
because in losing myself
i found myself
and it was worth the agonizing wait