Up (rape tw)
When I was a child
I would count my age up.
"Next year I'll be seven.
Then eight.
Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve"
Up and up.
"I'll be thirteen. A teenager!"
When I was thirteen, I had a crush
On Anna. A girl.
I kept quiet,
And prayed I wouldn't end up in hell.
"Seventeen. I'll graduate high school!"
When I was seventeen, I did.
With honors. A 3.9 GPA.
I went to college.
I was raped.
"Eighteen. An adult!"
Eighteen was the year of "outs."
I dropped out.
I was outed.
I was out.
I slept in my car, or at a friend's house.
"Twenty one. Then I can drink!"
I am twenty one, and I do.
But it's not how I thought it would be,
And besides,
I started that long ago.
When did I grow up?
Was it before I even started counting
When he took my innocence?
No.
It hurt. But I was still a child.
Was it when I realized
That parents aren't always right?
Maybe.
What a painful lesson
That was.
The real question is:
Is anyone really
Truly
Grown Up?
Or are we just Up?
I'm older, wiser.
I sleep with my girlfriend beside me,
And a stuffed bear between us
Keeping us safe.
Cover your toes or the monsters will get you
And you'll wake up
Screaming.
Go to work and make money.
Spend most of the check on bills,
And $20 on gummy worms.
Is that what grown ups do?'
Does it just take longer
Than they say
To become an Adult?
Or does everyone still have a bit of
Childhood
Left inside them?
To those who say no,
They are Grown,
No childhood left:
What a terrible thing to have lost.