hardly a second choice
ungrateful people
I’m ungrateful
am I?
not a soul reaches out
they don’t have to, I don’t need anyone
do I?
comfort comes from being alone
It shouldn’t
it does
I can’t handle change
change twists and squeezes my brain
it suffocates me
holding my lungs shut
a hot, spinning feeling arises within the pit of my stomach
like an all-encompassing blob
please talk to me
please don’t put me off to the side
but don’t talk to me
the twists, spinning, and suffocation will come back
I can’t handle change - I can’t handle being discarded
ease me into your act
the act of pretend
pretending I’m in your circle
pretending you love willingly inviting me out
make me comfortable enough to where the sudden change doesn’t flip my inside out
how beautiful it would be to be considered someone’s second choice
my lord, how lonely this life can be
waves of guilt wash over me as I write this
I have friends
I have no need to feel like this
how egregiously horrid of me to think this
how could any truth ring within these thoughts?
reeking of self-loathing
pitiful
but is it?