Ok
I try to pretend.
that im ok
but something will scratch the surface that sends me back
back to my semester of hopelessnes
back to the days when my mind tormented and broken
back to when my friends where drugs keeping me from what i should feel
back to when a knife hit my wrists and i contomplated being around, and then using my drugs, my friends as esuses to stick
back to when there where tears every night knowing i had to get out of bed again.
back to when a shower was a safe place, each one requiring a hour at a time.
back to when my parents lost all support they could give blinded by my grades and not my well neing
back to when breakfast was out of my vocabulary
back to when starving when you get back home was normal
back to when burning homework was a ritual
back to when i was ready for death
back to when i didnt have a place to spew my words of affliction
back to when hell was home
back to when summer was freedom in a bigger cage
back to when chrismas was a holiday i no longer enjoyed
back to when the meaning of hopelessness was a synonim for "normal"
back to a dying carer
back to highschool.
back
back
back...
god im hungry.