I woke up today

hoping last night was a dream.

Because last night I did not know.

I didn't know that the next day would be different.

 

The next morning I would have rolled off my messy bed to touch the cold wooden floor.

That morning I would fall in love

with the girl in the mirror.

I would have eaten breakfast for the first time in a while.

I could have pet my dog once more,

Gone to school like always.

 

I would have fallen in love with the deep blue sky and the almost nonexistent clouds.

I should have walked with my friends and ran across the street to play pool and listen to rock music.

We would've ran to get some cheap food and spilled our drinks while jumping a fence.

That night I could've gone home.

I would've watched the sky change colors and fallen in love with the night and the stars that light it up

I could have gone home to be greeted by my dog at the door.

I would have smelled the aroma coming from the kitchen and seen my ama next to the stove.

I could have kissed my apa good night as he slept in the couch,

Fought with my sister only to make up two minutes later.

 

I woke up today

hoping last night was a dream.

Except it wasn't.

 

The day after I died, I opened my eyes.

I saw my friends sit in uncomfortable silence.

I saw my best friends staring at their desks convincing themselves I was still in the seat next to them.

The afternoon after I died, I cried.

 

I saw my ama distraught

Wondering what she had done wrong.

I cried because I saw my apa bury his grief deep down inside and go to work.

My sister sat in my now cold room and hugged my old and unwashed stuffed animal.

The evening after I died,

My dog waited at the door wagging her tail playfully,

Only to be greeted by no one.

I did not see another sunset.

I did not wake up to fall in love with myself.

I did not tell them how much they truly meant to me.

 

Now they sat with grave faces blaming themselves.

Still, the world did not stop turning.

They moved on.

 

Sadly, I did not live to be happy.

Because even though I wished last night was a dream,

It wasn't.

Last night I killed myself.

Now, I can't take it back.