This suicide wasn't easy
Tried to... tear me down
Break my walls
Hush and appease me
Thinking I would suckle on your lonely thumb and take what you offered
And called me shit like broke Down and sleazy......when no one was hearing.
Thinking I would take those words onto my own and allow you to keep me
Yeah that's cheesy

For you to.... call me up with baby I miss you
I just want to hug, caress and kiss you
And I would fall like I'm supposed to
Brainwashed by the sweet tender touches of your flesh against mine
It was beautiful.
And to think I could have been your damn fool

Allowing you to.... falsely bless my flesh with your lips
Invade my hips
And take my thoughts to a land they've never seen before.
Though I adored.
Allowing you to.... press firmly against my rosebud with your finger tips.
Calling me names like sugar plum peach....and honey dip.
Fuck is that anyway?

Not knowing that snakes hid in high grass.
My mind playing in the fields of territory no woman should ever venture.
And just like that snake you.... preyed on a piece of ass
And then you found me.
Young and naive
Easy to deceive and make believe...
That you were my soldier.

And now I'm left.
Forced to..... live in my doubt and disown myself.
Staring deep in the eyes of my devils and demons.
Popping pill after pill just to keep my spirits up and hope for the future
Though my heart is heavy
It remains deep in the depths
Grudges and hatefulness was all I kept
You'd probably deny me
Leaving me with all that weight
Shoulders heavy soul astray
And just say what I felt.......wasn't real.

So no... this suicide wasn't easy at all
Not after those nights when you left me
Feeling as if chains had me strained
And the rusted shackles of guilt, despair and truthfulness of what I was doing was wrong had detained thee.
Letting you leave with my pride and the ounce of confidence I held.

Then you'd return.
Starting the cycle over again
Lips to skin, hands in sin
And soul nonexistent
And I allowed it..
Settling for every bit of attention my life lacked in.
Selling myself short and free
And you saw that and took me.
But then you left for good.

Left me while I wondered if you'd call
With baby I miss you.
Let me lie to, deceive and defeat you.
And I'd allow it.
But not now.

See now, I'm a woman.
Strong in what I believe in
Living with the demon you left me with instead of what I should have been.
Happy and in a child's place
Safe for my own sake
But that won't tear me down now.

See this suicide I committed was for me.
I took a..... dagger of respect to the wrist
A dozen pills of dignity past my lips
And a fast bullet of confidence to the head.
Leaving me for dead
But a death that made me a woman... today.

I could have let you defeat me
Knock me down to my sore knees
But I....refuse.
I refuse to let this kill me
But I won't refuse to say thank you.
I'm glad you put me down
I wouldn't have become this strong if you didn't come around.
Job well done.

But today I will drop my grudges
And wish for you the best
I'm not gonna remain bitter for you to enjoy like you do the rest.
You don't have to hit me up and say
Baby I miss you. I just want to apologize
No.... I don't need to hear that from you.
That girl is long gone
Now I stand strong and free
Thank you for not making this suicide easy.