2:03 AM

Its been about 4 months...? Who am I kidding here, its been 4 months, two days and 12 hours since you've gone and I am sitting in the same robe I slept in two weeks ago. It smells in my room and there is a countless amount of soda cans and stains on my carpet. I am eating the last piece of pizza as I type, by the way I've gained a few since you; I have nobody to impress so who cares? I miss your hands. I went to the store for the first time yesterday, I read a page in a book an hour ago but they started talking about rusty bikes so I put it down, shit's boring. Even though its only been 120 days since the world decided to fall apart I still dont think its been long enough to let you go. I dont think it will ever be long enough, even 20 years from now? Thats only if my own sadness hasnt killed me yet. I grew a beard, you hate beards I know, Ill probably shave it before bed, if I decide to sleep. Am I making you feel bad? Im sorry its just been a while since Ive had to feel any empathy towards something breathing other than the fish we bought. I think he misses you. Your mom misses you. She comes here sometimes and smells your clothes. I dont think its weird, I smell your underwear sometimes. I miss your legs. I miss a lot of things about you but Im not going to list them because thats fucking depressing and staring at walls or the one wimpy tree outside of our front window is not something I enjoy doing. I tried going on a date about 4 weeks ago but I threw up when the waiter brought out the spaghetti.., she told me she'd give me another chance but I didnt like the way she smelt. How are you? I bet you look so pretty right now, I cant stop crying. I tried to draw your face today but the pictures I have of you dont make me feel anything anymore. I should get a counselor. Remember when we talked that one time and you told me how sometimes you had those days where you wanted to sleep forever? I have a lot of those. Im compltely jealous of you right now... sorry, bad joke. I found a French singer on YouTube, she sings Adele covers and her voice cracks a ton but it sounds badass. Does God play the guitar for you? He's probably not as good as me.

 

P.S.

 

I hope the birds still sing for you. Do they have birds in heaven? Find out and then write me back

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

hannahmichaele

Please let me know what you all think!

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741