ADDICTION

Thu, 07/11/2013 - 21:07 -- Lady C.

Dose after dose, taking me under. try to walk, I make a blunder. Down steep steps, my journey is nearing its end. Is there hope....for me?

Can't stand to think of a way out. it loves me beyond my pain, takes me to a higher plain, reality called my name. Wasn't there to answer, went on vacation to cloud 9, yes, I'm feeling fine, but it doesn't last forever.

Shooting yet another ounce of relief, escaping my demons. Eyes closed to the beating I get with every injection. I was paralyzed. Dancing outside my body, out side my mind. Out of the box and outside the lines. I was addicted,...to something that wasn't real but the thing had me believing I could feel...love.

Addiction, is something bigger than I. It watched me, with its beady little eyes, holding the string, making me perform. I was convinced I could stop at any moment but I wasn't in control.

So with every heartbeat, a venom so black like Spider-man's twin, filled with a poison that could due me in, I was trapped. Freedom is more than a state of mind, my sense of freedom was hurting my pride, it had me engulfed, addiction was hurtung me with each puff.

Wallowing in my depression, swimming in my digression, suffocating on my own oppression, weak from every injection. The rope I was holding on to had popped. I was below the bottom of the rocks, the Flintstones looked down on me, I could see each Pebble I had cracked, each Dino sized stone fell on my back, I was under the rubble. No light to lead the way...Was it over for me?

I could hear something on the outside, a noise, a faint sound, I couldn't quite make it out. Was this real or only an illusion? I had just stepped into the state of confusion. My mind was past blown, my candles were out. I could smell the smoke of the blaze I had torched. I was burning, like a cigarette fizzling out. I was no longer a girl on fire, I had made it down to the last wire.

As I began to take my last breath, my brain sent a spark. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Its true what they say. I remember each member of my family, pulling for me, praying I get out. 

One last tear fell from within,...a placed that has captured all of my sins. Like a camera with stored memory, It brings up a slidesshow I wish I could forget. With each memory, the pain commences. in a second it was over, was that really all I was living for?

ADDICTION choking me to death, stealing my life. I wanted a do-over, a chance to start again. It laughed in my face, told me there was no way I could win. How could I think you loved me when you wanted me to die? How could I live again, If I could never try? How could I believe again, when all I've been fed were lies?

My body immobile, my mind unstable, my arms twisted, my legs, unable. Moving wasn't an option, it did not cross my mind, I wanted to live, but all I could do was die.

My last words uttered, I could barely hear, my voice tangled, my eyes full of tears. I said, and though it sounds cliche, those were the only words I could say. It took every ounce of me to break throught the pain, to break the soreness, the struggle, the strain. As my brain was shutting down, my heart spoke to me, in a whisper of distress and dispair, I had to let this be, my lips sputtered out, "Someone save me!"

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