Adrenaline Junkie

The first time I had a panic attack

I thought I was dying

What else is one to think

When you're at the top of a 200ft 

roller coaster

front row

staring down death's door-

a 90 degree vertical drop 

suspended

in mid air

with nothing to hold on to 

but a harness 

and a prayer

Even worse when you open your eyes

to take a peek

but realize you're in your bedroom

That feeling 

is just your heart beating

The screaming

Is just your internal monologue

Adrenaline being the 75% ocean inside you

at high tide

Whipping and raging

Pulling and pushing at the moon's whim

When you have anxiety 

You're constantly thinking of how 

unfair gravity is

What goes up must come down

And you went up

But now you just keep

falling

Mariana's trench is but a pothole 

compared to the abyss you feel yourself being dragged into

Anxiety is the feeling of when you are rocking back on a chair

balancing

and feel yourself losing

control

before you 

catch 

yourself

Only it lasts for  twenty minutes and people tell you to get over it

it's crying when you know you shouldn't be

Over the smallest things that you can't believe

are making you upset

The silent suffocation that comes

with wanting to talk to anyone 

but knowing you can't

The struggle for air as the plastic bag that is your thoughts 

tightens

Wanting to scream

but instead a single tear rolls down slowly 

a predecessor to the faucet that has sprouted a leak

Soon to flood your room

with a thick tidal pool of clouded judgment

and hey maybe I am

overreacting

The rational part of you 

terrorizing 

whatever's left of you 

And so suddenly you become a battleground

Fighting back the cries

Choking on the asphyxiated calls for help

It's wiping your face and smiling

to send a snapchat

so your friends don't know what just happened

You don't even know what just happened

You just know it did

This poem is about: 
Me

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