It’s like you’re screaming,

And no one can hear.

 

You almost feel ashamed.

 

That someone could be that important,

That without them, you feel like nothing.

 

She used to smile at the things you’ve done,

She used to laugh at the comments you’ve made,

But now, she smiles towards others,

And she laughs with others.

 

No one will ever understand how much it hurts.

 

To feel the way you do for her,

To love the way you do towards her.

But her love is towards others,

And what little is given to you, doesn’t seem enough.

 

It hurts to know she’s become your priority,

She’s always on your mind.

Every day, hour, minute, she’s there

Always remembering the good times you’ve shared

Always remembering the bad she’s caused, the pain she’s given, and the memories you

            wish you’d forget.

 

The night of nights still haunts you till this day,

As does the false hope you went through before that night.

 

You were so happy at first, believing you’ve done it,

Believing you’ve made your life long dream finally come true!

But as the days past, you realized it was just a dream

A hopeless dream that never came true.

 

Years and years of waiting for that night,

To feel the majestic air,

To feel alive, free, and share that night with another!

But instead, you were alone,

And she, with another.

 

It pains you to see her having her moment, her time

Not with you, but with the other.

 

You realize the damage you felt was more than you thought.

You lost the passion you held so dear for that night.

You lost the thrill of the mysteries tomorrow had to offer.

And you lost someone you never had to begin with.

 

Before that night of nights,

Before you realized the false hope you were living,

You gazed into her eyes.

 

Something happened.

 

Your heart was racing,

Your palms sweating,

The uncontrollable shaking of your body suggested danger,

Yet you felt so safe.

 

Was this love?

You’ve never felt it before, not like this.

Not the love for your mother, or the love for your sister

But the love of someone you’ve only known so little in your life.

 

But that little time felt so long,

So memorable,

So unmatched.

Was this love?

 

Her physical beauty is incomparable to others.

Her complexion is gawked by many, envied by others, admired by all.

But that’s not why you began to love her

It never was.

 

The care, charm, understanding she gave you.

The interest in your actions, personal thoughts, hopes, and dreams.

The fact you gave all that back to her, and not to others.

That’s why you fell for her.

 

The mere mention of her name,

Or the remembrance of her appearance,

Or everyday things that relate to her,

Brings forests of butterflies in the center of your gut.

 

Was this love?

You still don’t entirely know.

But you always wished for her around,

And wished to bring her happiness.

 

You wanted to make her yours,

But didn’t know how.

You wanted nothing but the best for her,

But it couldn’t be you.

 

You still wanted to do all you could to bring her happiness,

Love drove you to do that.

Maybe one day she’d see you the same,

And you’d discover a form of love you’ve never had.

 

When the false hope was finally realized, so was reality.

Her thoughts were for another,

Her actions were for another,

And you began to envy that other.

 

As time passed, so did her interest towards you.

Most of her smiles, her laughs, her good times were no longer from you.

As time passed, you are just an option, just someone to talk to when needed.

 

You no longer became needed,

You no longer become interesting,

You no longer were acknowledged,

You no longer were approached.

 

A memory, at most, is what you think you are now.

A memory, sadly, is what you won’t even be in the future.

 

Hopefully that’s not true,

But you don’t know.

You won’t forget,

But what if she does?

 

Every minute, hour, day, she losses interest in you,

That’s what it always seems like.

And every minute, hour, day,

She’s all that’s on your mind.

 

She treats you much differently than others, even if she doesn’t realize it.

She may or may not acknowledge it, but she downgrades her affection when it comes to

            you.

 

You wish you could tell her,

About the night of nights,

About the love you feel,

About the pain you feel.

But you can’t.

 

She grows tired of your problems, actions, and grows tired of her interest in you.

At least, that’s what you think is happening.

 

You wish to tell her about the way you’ve felt for her,

But you would just be another person on her list.

Her list of people she’s rejected,

And gloat about the amount that have ever wanted her.

 

That’s all you’ll be if you tell her, for she will treat you different and eventually ignore

            your existence all together.

That’s what you think will occur.

 

You wish to tell her about the night of nights,

But know she would just say to let it go,

The past is the past.

 

How can you forget the love you have felt for the first time in your life?

The love you still feel for that person,

And the pain that followed?

 

You want things to be better than they used to,

But you don’t know how.

And you’re afraid she doesn’t want the same.

 

You still cherish every moment you’ve had with her

No matter how big or small.

But these moments don’t mean the same to her.

That’s what you always think.

 

You feel hopeless,

Like nothing can save you.

You feel lost,

Like no one will find your thoughts,

Especially when you wish to be found by her.

 

One day,

When it’s over,

And it’s gone,

You almost wish that you could have that bad stuff back,

So that you can have the good.

 

But to have the good,

You must forget the bad.

But how, when you’re always wondering what could have been,

Always loving someone that doesn’t love you the same.

And always,

Always,

Always Thinking……