Ascend

Ember C. Tupelo

 

I’m in second grade

I would hide in my room

I think of our time together

Is it fading?

I regret not speaking up

Is all this time worth wasting?

Sitting here thinking of our time together

I’m determined to not give up

I will ascend

It’s third grade now

You've locked me away from my books

My final breath is gone

Girls should be seen, not heard

I want to leave but you said no so i sit here, helpless

I will ascend

It fourth grade and

The world is crashing down on me

You won't ever get too far from me

It hurts to miss them but I have to turn my cheek

I choke back each tear that bleeds

And I ascend

Years pass and I’m in seventh grade now

The world is closing in on me

You won't ever be far enough away from me

It hurts when they talk about you

but I have to turn my cheek

And I’m determined to choke back each tear that bleeds

And I will ascend

But once I ascend to the top

Will you go away or will i drop

Will all my hardwork come crashing down

Because you came and you pushed me off so I could drown

I am determined to hold on to hope

To hold on to something that’s not made of rope

I am determined to not let my feelings show

Because I know

everything I say can be used against me

And It will be used against me

Every emotion I have ever had

Came crashing down in a wall of fear and sadness

I will not be sad

Am I depressed?

All this loneliness?

Is that what this is?

I do not want your pills and prescriptions

I don’t need descriptions

Of all the things I could have but might not

I don’t want your therapy and treatment telling me not to listen to that thought

The thought that says

I don’t want to play with sand and talk about you

I don’t want to hold somebody’s hand and look weak

Because I know if I listen to that I’ll be weak

And once I’m weak you will prey

You will try to mold me like clay

And I am no match for your mighty words

Because It’s true

words hurt too

Words cut deeper than knives ever can

And words leave bruises bigger and more painful than your hand

And words drive children to thoughts that they don’t want to have

Words drove me to obey your every command

Because your words were my border

Your words decided if I ate that night

I know you wouldn’t have let me starve

But unless everything was to your liking

Which it never was

Then I could eat

And I followed you like your shadow so I could go to bed

Because once I went to bed I could leave

I would be free

I would go to a place where I had friends who cared

And where people noticed my cry for help

I would go somewhere where you didn’t brainwash everyone into thinking I am a spoiled brat

Because I’m not

I was not

I did what you said

And when I had the courage to stand up

When I said No

You called me out

Because I was just as stubborn as you

But I wasn’t allowed to be sad

And now

The world is closing in on me

You won't ever be far enough away from me

It hurts when they talk about you

but I have to turn my cheek

And I’m determined to choke back each tear that bleeds

And I will ascend