I'm just that perfect young girl everyone loves and adoresThe one you smile at while you hold the door for The one who's photo you leave eye eyes under and "damn girl"The one he messaged and said he was interested inBut no one knows who I really amI'm just that perfect young girl when in reality I'm that damaged little girl who cries every night because as she brushed her teeth before bed she had looked in the mirror. And when she looked in the mirror she didn't see That  perfect young girl. But instead she saw self hate written on her forehead. And as she painfully look at her face. Yes painful because she can't see what you see in your eyes. She can't see how "beautiful" she is. So she cries! She tries to convince herself that she's beautiful, but just can't seem to open her eyes and say it. I am... I am.  I am ugly. Failing to say it again. Let me just go to bed. I would sleep , we'll try to sleep because now all I could think about was the bad idea of cutting my hair short. It wasn't because I thought it was going to be cute but because you know when life fucks you in the ass, do weird shit to ur hair and That's just what I did and I'm such a dumb ass for that but everyone still seems to see that perfect young girl. I'm pretty sure my hair was supposed to scream " hello this bitch has problems" but no everyone still screams beautiful. I just don't understand .Am I missing a vocabulary word? Someone please define beautiful because I have no clue what you guys are talking about. Now it's like 4 in the morning and I'm thinking about meeting him for the first time and of course I'm scared because well my hair for one. Two because well hello I'm ugly what if he looks at me and is like yikes never mind. And third because I don't want him to see who I really am. I don't want to be on a date with him then think about what he might be thinking about like what if he's thinking Tht im not as "hot" as he thought I was and after this day he may never speak to me again. Oh great now I'm crying and he's  going to ask me why . Like why do I have to be so "dramatic" my family says. I'm sorry I don't mean to be so sad and I don't mean to express it out loud but it just seeps out . I just don't want him to see that side ever. I want him to continue to be blind . I want him to see the pretty girl he see in his eyes. And I want him to continue to tell me how "beautiful" I am because maybe I'll stop putting quotations over the world and actually mean it and actually feel , beautiful.