“I’m gay”

 those words tumble out of my mouth 

and there’s nothing I can do to take them back. 

 

My mum cried when I told her 

She left the room 

My heart broke and there was nothing I could do 

I closed my eyes and tears rolled down my face 

 

For a second I think I’m sad 

My lungs are on fire 

There’s no air in the room and I can’t breath 

My heart is beating about to leave my chest 

 

For a moment I think I’m sad but I’m not 

I’m free 

 

This is what freedom feels like 

It feels like my burning lungs 

It feels like the tears on my cheeks 

It feels like my heart bursting out of my chest 

 

I never knew this feeling but I never want to forget it

I remember my burning lungs everytime

I’m going to say him instead of her 

I remembered it when I pull my hand back

in the busy streets 

 

I remember it every morning when I’m deciding what to wear 

I remember it because it for such a long time I forgot 

 

I forgot that I had the right to live 

See I used to exist 

I used to float around 

And when I feel like I’m floating 

 

I look at her 

I look at her face the way it curves 

The way her eyes shine 

I look at her lips the way they curve 

I look at her tongue the way it wets her lips 

I look at her hands the way they work the way 

they move, they way they hold me 

 

Because if a women’s body isn’t holy 

I don’t know what is 

because if this is sin than I am a sinner

and many times I feel like my love is the rock 

used to stone me 

 

Because I remember my mum crying

and I remember freedom 

and I remember love and 

somehow they all blend into one 

and I don’t want to take it back 

I want to scream it 

I want to fly and celebrate my freedom 

But I just cry 

I don’t know why I’m crying 

 

I am free and that’s what matters 

because those words were stronger 

than any chains or handcuffs 

and I broke them 

 

And I remember her 

because although I don’t write love poems 

but this is for her, 

Because she gave me freedom 

Because without knowing she is my freedom