Bedtime hugs and kisses

Here I am
Here I stand
Awaiting for some form of affection

Here I am
Here I stand
Wanting "a life where everything is good"

Here I was
Here I stood
Looking at people of past

The good, the bad, the evil
All live within
All live within them

The bystanders
These are them

Tall, short, medium height
Skinny, fat, thick, not for my delight
They all are different, different in everything.

Size, thoughts, train of path
Style, look, culture, enviormental living stance

Here I am
Here I stand
Viewing my past life intersect with my future

There I want
This is what I need
But alas, the halt
A breaking pointe

Loud noises, screams
Words I wish to never hear about myself
Words I wish to never think of myself

Yet, I stand here
over there--- cornered it all

Here I am, seeing my life flash on each wall
Sorrow
Grief
Remorse
Indenial

Four walls, one door
One door, and four walls

And here a comfort
turned into a nightmare
The only place I found love,
Are now covered in tears and blood
My sweat and fears

Here I am
Here I stand
walking slowly through the crowd
seeing all of these people
socialising, laughing, gossiping about nothing

And those silent faces
the swift walkers
My past self

I look at them with respect
seeing more than silence
but stories of there lives

I get lost
so lost I forget where I'm going
I walk on and on
Thinking of doing this for hours

With subtle quietness
And small steps, I sit in class seeing the same people of my four year career
I see them all
I see nothing
Nothing of them relates
Nothing of them agrees

I am a lost cause waiting to go off
Waiting
Just waiting

And she knows
she only knows what I've said
Not what I've felt
She only knows how I am
Not what I am

When I say
When will this be


How I say
How will it become

My future entails my goals
My future is of my dreams

But what dreams I say
What goals I say

Who is she
Who are they
Who am I I whisper

No one
They are nothing
I am dead

Dying of apathy
Dying of remorse
Falling into grief and sorrow
Becoming Indenial

I lie to myself
I lie to others
I lie to my mother

I am done I want to say
I am done I want to scream
I want your love
I want the affection

This longing for pride
Her pride
Everyone's pride

For me

But how I say
How I say

When I say
When and how
Where and when
Why and how
How and where

Here I am
Here I stand
Living too quickly

Here I was
Here I stood
Dead too soon.

"Bedtime hugs and kisses"
11:50pm 01.16.14

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