Beginnings
The beginning of the end
is always in the middle,
just like your hand always was
with my thighs.
No never meant anything.
And the end of the beginning
is always in the middle,
just like how I felt when I agreed.
I didn't want anything,
but I wanted to be loved.
To feel loved.
Love was always painful;
hair yanked,
body shoved,
being F-O-R-C-E-D.
Consent?
That's something you need
to learn about.
Why didn't you ask?
You never cared,
you just wanted those stolen goods.
You almost stole it all.
Almost.
But, like water trickles
through the narrow gaps in the concrete
and into the soil to renew it,
so did the realization
that I didn't need you.
The end is in the middle
of the beginning,
just like every sentence
that was thrown my way.
Every end to a cruel phrase
was just the beginning to
a new storm.
It was a constant flood,
never ebbing.
How could I think that
that was love?
How could I think I needed it?
I didn't need your false love,
your verbal abuse,
your stale cigarette breath.
I didn't need that.
You were toxic,
and I was addicted.
Addiction can end.
So could we.
The middle of the end
is a new beginning,
and I realized that
when you threw me away for the
umpteenth time
to rest your hand in the middle
of someone's else's thighs,
to jumpstart the end
to someone else's beginning.
How could you be such a monster?
At first, I blamed myself,
but now I see,
you were the one who caused the scars.