Can I Commit?

A fear of commitment has shadowed me for many years.

Not necessarily a fear of making commitments,

but a fear of my own ability to follow through on them. 

I get invested in things very easily: relationships, big plans, activities on a large scale.

But then I quickly become bored, or want to move on to something new, 

and it makes me wonder. 

Will I ever be able to truly commit to something really important? 

 

I make a new friend, and I get involved in his or her life. 

We talk and tell stories and have a great time, and he or she is my very best friend. 

For a few weeks. 

Then we run out of things to talk about, or I meet a new friend, and I find myself drifting. 

I'd rather talk to my new friend than my older friend. 

I try to maintain both friendships, but gradually the new friend takes precedence. 

Then the cycle repeats. 

Will I be able to commit myself to just one person someday? 

Will I find someone I want to be best friends with for the rest of my life?

How could that be when I can't stay committed to friendships now?

 

I have big plans for the future. 

I will study hard in school and become a counselor. 

I want to help make things better for others.

But counseling seems like a difficult job, and it will not be easy to become a counselor.

Can I actually do it?

Can I overcome my laziness and fear of the unknown so I can improve myself? 

Or is it too hard? If it is too hard, I may quit. 

But I don't want to be a quitter. 

What am I going to do? 

 

Someday I wish to have a family, and raise children. 

I know it won't be easy, but I think I can do it. 

On the other hand...

How can I possibly take care of a child? 

I've never raised one before, I don't know how. 

My lack of knowledge scares me. Can I really commit?

What if  I fail my child? I don't want to ruin his or her life.

I don't know how to comfort a crying baby, I can't solve every heartache a child will know. 

I want to be a good parent someday, I think I may have it in me. 

But what if...? There's always a what if. 

 

I will learn as I go, that is the only possible way to improve. 

Making and keeping committments is hard, but I must do it if I want to succeed. 

I can practice, and go step by step. 

Then maybe it will not be so hard

Can I commit? 

I hope so. 

This poem is about: 
Me

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