This was sadly recently when I was really struggling and just couldn't take life anymore. I was in school when I decided to deeply self-harm in the girls' bathroom. I was honestly close to death that day, closer than I've ever been before. But I decided to go to the nurse and show her and tell her that I needed help. My dad came to the school and he was crying and it broke my heart because he almost never cries. A mobile crisis person came, and I talked with her for a bit, then I went home to gather a few things and he took me to a local crisis center where I stayed for 8 days. It's been almost two weeks since I've been released, and I'm happy to say that I am slowly getting better now. I thank the Lord for helping me to be strong in those extremely difficult moments and for helping me to keep going and living. I hope that I'll soon regain my family's trust again, but I know I'll be alive because I have survived suicide. I'm currently working on a few different aspects of my self-esteem, and I am also working on my attitude and positivity. And in time, I Will get better.

 

I want to live,

I tell myself as I take that blade

To my wrist and run it back and forth

Across my skin;

I want to live,

I whimper in despair as I contemplate death

Over and over again in my head;

I want to live,

I sob into my pillow at night as I

Curl up fetally on my bed beneath the covers

And wish away the pain;

I want to live,

I think as I stand on the edge

And think about my fate;

I want to live,

I whisper as I take the fall

And plunge to the depths;

I want to live,

I cry with muffled bubbles rising from my mouth

As I sink below the surface;

I want to live,

I wail as my lungs burst with the pressure;

I want to live,

I scream as I fight death at last in my last few moments

And hit the sand;

I want to live,

I scream as I thrash about in the chilling waters

Even as I know it’s useless;

I want to live,

I whisper again as all fades to black and I drown.