I've never found it harder to get past something

which proves just how lucky in my life I've been

people have horrors as their default which I can hardly bring myself to say

and all I have is this

so I don't know what to do

I feel I need to write it down

and catharsis my brain out until it doesn't hurt

but then in that way is it a selfish act

since there are those who've endured worse and can never stop hurting

I never thought I'd have a moral dilemma

about whether this pain is pain

since I obviously can feel it

I'm a believer in transparency

but that inherently makes me feel

people will think I'm trying to look worse off

just because I feel the need to show my guts

but I always want to show my guts

so I think

even though I've never found anything harder to get past than this

I have to go on like always

in the way I wish to be

which means openness and emotion

because if I can't cling to that

then what was I fighting for?