I often cry

not a sob or a weep

but a cry

a cry that comes from wondering why?

why am i not good enough?

why do I consistently mess up?

 

Sometimes I weep

not a cry or a sob

but a weep

of pain where I wallow

leaving me empty and hollow

 

Rarely I sob

not weep nor cry

but sob

so gut wrenching

it makes my chest throb

 

I often cry, sometimes I weep and rarely sob

though their levels differ the tears never stop

 

You see my pain isn't a cycle 

it doesn't come in waves

it consistent

like still water 

like the ocean spreading deeper and farther

 

my misery isn't a phaseit won't just pass

it's a trickester

one day it lifts me the next im dropped on my ass

 

im so used to the pain

so used to the misery

that it consumes me

 

The darkeness coating me like a second skin

can't tell where my melanin begins

Oh misery I crave you

I crave the dark

even though its tearing me apart

 

it's a delicious kind of torture 

and an addiciting kind of horror

my body is a house of darkness 

what is light and happiness...

 foreigners