There once was a man,
The dean of a prestigous institution.
He was a gentleman and a scholar.
But one day,
His life would change forever.
One night he decided to go out for a drink,
But he forgot to think.
One shot,
Two shot,
Three shot,
Four.
I think I've had enough,
Let's head out the door.
Fuck that,
I'm still thirsty,
Get me my drinking hat.
That girl is fat,
No fucks to give,
I'd still tap that.
To the bathroom I go,
Fuck that bitch,
Forget the next day though.
Back with the boys,
Time to drink some more.
Forget what time it is, 
We out for the night,
Who the hell is this nigga, 
Look like he wanna fight.
Got my ass kicked,
Don't give a shit.
Let's leave this shithole,
Enlighten my soul.
Just hit a fat ass blunt,
Later losers,
You're all a bunch of sadcunts.
Let's go to the store across the street,
I need some more liqour,
To make my heart beat.
Get that shit,
Time to drive,
Hope I survive.
Grab a foty,
Beer, Beer, Beer,
Fuck!
I forgot how to steer.
Lights started flashin,
Head starts bashin,
Music is blastin.
Those pigs can't catch me,
I'm fuckin fast,
Fast as Austy.
Damn.
Why am I slowing down,
Shit.
No gas,
This blows ass.
The cop got out of his car,
He came up to me and said,
Damn son,
You smell like a bar.
I said I only had a few,
Don't know why you pulled me over,
I'm clean,
Completely sober.
We'll see about that,
Now sir, 
Please blow into this.
I said okay officer,
He measured my BAC.
He said sir,
You just blew a point two three.
You're coming with me.
I started to cry,
I'm the Dean,
And this is my DUI.