Dear Daddy

by Ceeairra

December 7, 2017

Dear dad

“So don’t be afraid to face the world against all odds” ~ Yolanda Adams

You drilled that line in my head

Not understanding that ,that was something too hard for you to live by

I knew you were struggling

I knew you had a bug in you that you had to feed

I knew you tried your hardest to be the best man that you could be

And I knew you were running away from reality

but at the time I just didn't understand. I didn't understand

why you chose that poison over me

why the drugs wouldn’t leave

Why we were always in need

And to be honest I didn't want to understand

because in my mind no reason would have been a good enough reason for me

I wanted your love ,

your hugs ,

and your sober mind

But all you kept giving was drowsiness,

stolen things ,and hospital trips

I hated you back then

The way your speech would get slow

And your eyes were always low

And how i had to beg you to pick your head up off the floor

but it took me awhile to realize

that

that was the time

I should have given you all my love

I know that you needed it

You were hurting and all I kept doing was bringing you down

Pushing so much hatred on you

I knew that was the source of your frown

But it didn't matter to me

Because as the drugs started

Working

You began not to feel

A thing

And the more numb you got

The more pain I felt

You ran away from life

While I ran away from you

But as much as I am sorry

I am grateful

You gave me an example

Of what path not to take

You showed me would life would be

Like if I choose that poison

And I know for a fact that’s not the road

I want to take

Thank you

I hope one day you can

Forgive me

You're only daughter

Sincerely, Daddy's little girl

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