I wrote one of these a couple years ago, and while everything I wrote was true at the time, I have continued to grow and learn, and I figured it was high time to try again. Things are different now, but they are better.

Your botched haircut seems like the end of the world right now, and I won't say it was easy to get over. I didn't cut my hair to my shoulders again until a few months ago, and until last year it was so long it went past my waist and it was too much work to wear down. I don't regret not cutting my hair earlier, because it was such a huge part of me, and I enjoyed having super long hair while I had it. However, I have regretted the fear I had in changing it. At the end of the day, hair grows and we're lucky enough that our hair grows really quickly. It's okay to try new things.

It's also okay to see your friends as humans. You love to see the good in people, and I still do, but let's face it, we'd go too far. It's not fair to see the people you associate with as perfect because they have been good to you. There is no way for them to live up to the image of them that you've created in your head, and it just makes you feel bad about yourself when all you can see is your own imperfections.

On the topic of friends--it is okay to let go of people that are not good for you. You can be kind and friendly without being friends. It's taken my entire life to get used to this idea, but I am so glad I have because there are people in my life that I need to keep at a distance.

At the end of the day, feelings do change. The people who mean everything to you and one point may not always be that way, and that's okay. Sometimes people will leave for a while. They might come back, but if they don't, it's not the end of the world.

Write your cousins and the people you know when they go on missions. Do not let a relationship die because you didn't keep in touch. Emails are not the same as talking, and that can suck sometimes, but it also gives you the time you need to slow down, reevaluate your week, talk about what really matters. Keep in touch with the people you never want to lose when they leave for college, and keep in touch when you leave too.

Back to friends for a second: When your best friend goes to a different high school than you, it really sucks. I'm not going to sugar coat that. However, there are so many people that are worth knowing that you need to meet in choir and theatre, and it will be worth it to take a chance and talk to them.

Do not stop telling your therapists and doctors about how you feel. Their initial dismissal does not mean you are wrong, and while they are perceptive, intelligent, and qualified, you still know yourself better than they do. Everyone goes through rollercoaster-like emotions when they reach their teeage years, but yours are not healthy. It isn't that you're weak or ill prepared. It isn't your fault. So tell them because eventually they WILL listen and you WILL begin to heal. And that's the most important thing I can tell you. You will heal. It's going to be really dark for a long time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, people aren't just antagonizing you when they say that.

Also, people are going to tell you this constantly, but you can trust me when I say this because I KNOW what you are feeling: You are too hard on yourself. You expect too much of yourself, and it blinds you to the talents and abilities you do have. The fact that you have room to grow is a strength, not a downfall. You can be talented and still have a lot to learn. You can be proud of your achievements and still work to improve yourself. Things will not always have to be as extreme as they are where you're at currently.

You will get into college. I don't know where we're going to school yet, but I know we get to pursue what we love, and we'll end up somewhere that's right no matter what.

It's going to be okay. It won't feel that way a lot, but for once listen to your own words of comfort and advice. After all, you're pretty smart.

You're going to have a wonderful life, full of experiences and people and dreams beyond either of our wildest dreams.

All the best,

Jess