I'm faced with two contradictions that I know to be true.

1. Loyalty is priceless.

2. I want you... you want me.

Flash back a few months and I watch pain through a shattered glass pane. My best friend is screwing around getting her fingers dirty meddling in the innards of your challenged heart.  I know your intentions are pure, she wants you, and you want to make her happy. But your cloudy eyes look else where.

Little do you know, I've spent countless hours in the passenger side of her busted trail blazer lending an ear to her heartache. Tales are told of misguided love, careless exchanges, and nights with too much to drink. But it seems to me Jake, it all comes down to a distance between you two that is too far to cross. You and I are both aware of this, but she wails in her ignorance. I hear her strained wails and her shaky cries. I try to mend the wounds knowing that my little fists don't quite fill the holes. Regardless, I know the hurt, and I pitty. I want nothing more than to always be by her side.

But still, I cannot bring myself to be angry with you.

Now, I look through a pane of glass that is two sided. I hear your hurt, your longing- but you're not longing for her.

You're like no one I've ever met before, wide open with your heart on display. Ripped open with so much hurt, I see your heart bleed. But still you pour out your love to me. I see you're ready for more hurt, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. There's salt in your wounds and sand in your eyes but still you rise to tell me you love me.

In case you hadn't noticed, I love you too Jake.

I'm biting my nails, grinding my teeth, asking myself if I can do this to the girl in the busted trail blazer. I would be rolling all of her hurt and fear into one giant pill and asking her to swallow it. I want to hold the hand that hit her and ask her to stand by our side. But as you know, I'd rather play the victim than the victimizer.

Maybe in time, when her wounds heal I can dare to tread on that thin ice. But for now Jakob, I’m writing to you from my lonely house to tell you, I’m thinking of you.