A friend sent me a letter. Explaining to me all the reason they could
No longer live.
She wrote,

Dear Alexis,
I need you to understanding,
Why asking me to stay has always been asking too much.
You want to know why you aren't enough to live for
But its not about you
I just need you to listen,
I am spilling my guts on these pages
I miss the stages of happy,
But sadly, they are never coming back for me.
The days of double dutch and dandelions are over
The pieces of me
Barely
Sewn together.
A stitch, loosening as their words get louder.
I, am constantly rebelling against the dark voices
That live inside my head that said

Just go die
In someone else’s arms
You. are no longer welcome inside this body
Let the darkness pull your soul away
Your mistakes, are too numerous to count or
To ever make up for
Let me take you, away from this Earth
Remember,
You are weak.
This battle, is too much for your crumbling bones
Crumble beneath the lashes of my tongue

And can you blame me, sometimes I listen
Everytime, I bring this knife to my neck
I bleed out the pain
Leave slashes across my throat because I don't
Seem to have a voice of my own anymore
They have stolen, it away from me
Just proving, how weak I am
And I don't want to let you down
But even air, has become a burden
Far too heavy for me to continue to carry
Mad at God everytime I wake up breathing
Inhaling has always been the hardest part

I am barely hanging on
By my fingernails
But sometimes I just want to let go
I must.....
Will you please tell my family I'm sorry
I couldn't make it to the next reunion
I'm sorry, that death just seemed more comforting
I'm sorry. I can't be strong enough
Not even for you.

Try to understand why I'd rather die
Than live through this pain
You asked me, why you aren't enough to live for
But why isn't peace
Enough for me to die for?

Dear Jane,

I know what I am asking.
I know that it is the most selfish thing I will ever do.
But I am asking you to listen to the voice of a friend over
The voices in your head.
I am asking you to never give up fighting
Even when you feel like your whole body has
Made battle against you.
I am asking you, to trust me
When I tell you
You are beautiful, and smart, and funny, and everything to me
Trust me, when I say I love you
Trust me, wen I tell you, you have saved my life
More times than I could possibly count
And when I tell you, you are my reason to live
Let me be yours
I know how much I am asking

But darling, I still have to ask