Do i live? or do i die?

Sitting there watching the boiling water rise to my ankles, making my feet numb and the pain unbearable to the point of exhaustion, my hands chained together with burning rope that was strung from the ceiling, making me dangle and sway back and forth, This is my life, the life of torture, the life of stress and being unloved. What am I supposed to do? I am trapped and broken beyond compared, my screams are muffled and  tears that are dried, My dull green eyes shined in the darkness of hell. My blonde hair tangled like a bird's nest, and the questions still remains,do I live or do I die?  

  I’m drowing in my sorrows, flopping like a fish out of water, Trying to live life without you in it. I miss the safety of your arms around me, the reassurance that I would never be hurt, I miss the soft whispers from your lips making me feel as if I was home. I miss the soft smile as you held my hands in yours, I miss your chuckle as I would fall down on the ice as we skated side by side. I miss your smell as I walked up to you and hugged you closely to my body. The hurt sensation as you walked away, saying that you never loved me. Saying that I was nothing more than your toy.
I miss the long nights as we walked in the darkness, I miss the way you softly whispered into my ear, you were everything to me. Every stone to my foundation, the air to my lungs, the sun to my sky. The beat to my heart, the Yin to my Yang. The soft whispers that rang through my head telling me that you never loved me, that you never wanted me. The water to my hips making my legs forever numb, as I watched you love another women the same way you loved me. Keeping my head down as I walked by trying to contain the tears that threaten to come out and show my emotions to the world, show my depression that has finally kick in as my demons tell me that I would be better in the arms of death then of life.
I cry silently to myself making my arms shake and my heart pound. I breath heavily as my wrists ache from holding all my weight up. The boiling water rises ever higher to my chest making it hard to breath, making my lungs feel as if they were a balloon ready to explode. My body slowly goes numb as if I never lived, as if I never had feelings, that my life is not important to others. That I'm simply invisible to the world. What am I Supposed to do? Do I live? or do I die? that is the question, life is hard at this point, as the water rises to your neck and you finally accept that life meant nothing to you. Accepting that they never loved you, that you will die slowly and lonely. Soon thinking of the life you had and the mistakes you have made, and finally closing your tired eyes to finally sleep. But the question still remains, louder than before, but saying like a soft whisper.

Do I Live? or Do I Die?