If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

Millions are jumping off a bridge in the pursuit of convention and normality

Normality is a dangerous expectation of society

Normality makes people complacent and satisfied with “good enough”

In the pursuit of “normal”

Growth, progress, and diversity may be ignored

Greatness happens when people possess vision and strive for better

I have a secret

By societal standards, I have never been “normal”

At birth, the nerves in my left shoulder and arm were damaged

At fifteen months, my mother abandoned me at an orphanage

At five years, I was adopted from China by a family from Indiana

At seven years, someone asked what was wrong with my arm

Did it hurt?

How did I accomplish daily tasks?

What was wrong with my arm?

What was wrong with me?

How normal was I?

My left arm was shorter and smaller than my right

It hung by my side, mostly motionless and semi-lame

Was I different?

 

As a child, all I wanted was to be normal

When I was adopted by my family

I felt a pressure to prove myself

I fought to be top of my class

I was a good, sweet girl

Never showing weakness

Never rocking the boat

And constantly seeking the approval and happiness of others

 

When I realized I had a disability

I fought harder to prove myself

When I looked in the mirror

I was weakened by my insecurities

I hid my left arm with long sleeves and crossed arms

I avoided activities and sports that required both arms

I was ashamed

Afraid of people’s responses

Afraid of judgement and scrutiny

Or worse

Pity

Would people like me if they knew?

I thought they wouldn’t

So I kept my secret

And lived a life afraid people would find out

 

We all have things about ourselves we wish we could change

For me, it was my left arm

But then I realized something after years of hiding and trying to be something I wasn’t

My body is not

And will never be

Anyone else’s

I am fearfully and wonderfully made

God formed me and says I am his child

God made me with beauty and value

Society and people’s opinions hold no weight in comparison

In every detail of my body

I am worthy and enough

 

Now, I refuse to let my physical limitations affect my life

I see a future where I have purpose

To help people live better, healthier lives as a public health nurse

I refuse to be defeated by my circumstances

I see my physical disability every day

But I also see something greater

A life without fear of people and showing weakness

A life with purpose greater than myself

A life worthy of living

I see my left arm

And I am thankful that

I’m not normal