"The hole in my chest grows and closes and opens as it feels ... I do not know how these things work in life ... In 7 days god created this world ... ... 365 days in a year .... Time itself could not exceed ... In 1 day death makes its way . ... Unsuspectedly in the midst of happiness.... Our sorrow searches for us our whole lives following us around the world .. They say time heals us all , but we are not to be healed by time cause time is everlasting ... I find these thoughts in my darkest hour ... My heart lacks beat here ... What is this earth ? Why must we settle our loves in this fertile land from which were not born but treaded so long ago ... Why must the darkness comfort us and the light deceive .. Why is this place we call home and whence do family come .... It is not home on earth but a settlement of the heart from one to another ... My mind bleeds out like the dark red plasma from which we know flows thru our veins ... The blood of our fallen ... The veins of the human .... We are all family ..... From which this land divided us by death ... Nothing we seek serves us happiness ... Material matters the most in our time of need . ... We carved out lakes that were man made ... That face the oceans from which we know not of arrival ... I feel lost at this hour ... Im laying in bed recalling the last 24 hours .. Doing what make me happy the most .... In the midst of all that there is pain ... Pain it took me to get to that stage ... Pain in and out ... Pain when i left .... I know not all the questions i ask myself . Should i run and keep running ... Shuld i fall and face death for i have already died inside ... I look for salvation in scripture but find the very thing that lead my happiness in song ... I find my eyes swelled not only with rage , sadness , but pure confusion .... I dont know ... All my life i have lived by this very faith god has lead me to follow but here i am admitting i dont know ... Keep moving forward .... In these words man achieved the unthinkable .... If yu ever had the chance to witness greatness evaluate it . For it is not overnight ... It is blissful .... The challenge we have been given is family business .... We can not see nor feel or dream ... If one falls we all take the ground .... We will rise together and hope that one day the legs become strong enough for our fallen to sit and rest at ease .... These thoughts try me ... At every second and hour ... I fell the pain in my mothers voice ... The pain in my brothers heart ...... The confusion ..... In my nieces face ....... Change is a constant ... What is good change as to bad change .... Things are constantly changing .. I randomly did what i loved last night and now im trickled .... Left to mourn the love i have lost .... Family business ....  Take the pain of our family and make it song .. Make it peace .... Make pain peace .... These words are portrayed as different but parallel .. Peace is an outlook on love and happiness ... It takes pain and turns it to an angel ... That angel whence from earth takes peace and spreads it over a thousand .. Family business ....

As i lay here i think to myself ... What is this life about ? ... Are we lead to live and die or are we dying to live .... I cant find the answer on google , nor any smart phone this world can materialize .. I cant find a textbook nor thesaurus .. I cant find a bible .. Nor koran ... I cant search the world .... Nor my mind .. For answer ... "  — to my brother Tyrice , To my Family , to the world ... Trevon Swayzer .....

RIP Candace Barcenas ... May 20th , 2014 ...