you know i still love you
but i will always hate you too
for so many reasons
leaving me alone at 6 on friday nights till 2am the next day
i never ate enough
you never noticed
i never did my homework and lied saying i did
you hardly checked
i hurt myself
you never noticed
but your my dad, i can't just only hate you
but i feel the need to
cause the pain you put me in
i will never forget
the phone calls that i have to initiate with a text
im sorry im a bad child
im so sorry im fucked up
and im sorry you don't know how to parent
im sorry i love my mom more than i'll ever love you
thanks for not being there for me now
or ever
you have gotten worse as the years went by
but i love you dad
you know i do
you just don't know how much i hate you
thanks for kinda raising me
you yelled
i cried
you drank
i cut
you left
i attempted suicide
you slept
i drank
you went out
i stayed up till you got home
im sorry but i feel the need to say goodbye
to the father i wished you were

so i finally accept the real father you are.