Finding yourself is difficult;

No one tells you how to do it,

But there are always options.

The world supplies the means

For life and death; and what we do

With the access to those means

Is completely up to us.

I thought I was breathing

But I know now I am slowly dying-

Everyone is.

Accepting that is step one.

Second step? Not taking it into

One’s own hands.

I almost did.

That’s why I write- to be

Something more to someone.

More than words on a paper,

More than just a fictional story

Of a stereotype or another statistic.

I lived through my own version of hell.

Most people have their own ideas,

And maybe some are living theirs

At this very moment.

But there is always more

Than a drastic means to an end,

Or addictions that we pursue

And when we want to stop, we can’t.

People hear that, but really,

Do they listen?

How can we if our vision

Is altered by the occurrences

Of this ugly world we live in?

If you think though…

There is always someone.

You may never know them

But they care about you.

They see you in the hallways,

At work or on the playground,

The drive thru, the gym, or

Maybe even in church- and they,

This person you may have never met-

Is praying for you, or hoping to one day

Say more than just “hi”

Because they are scared out of their minds;

Not realizing that you are scared out of yours.

Depression is painful,

But it’s scary too.

Because as soon as you take that first step

To thinking there is nothing else to life,

That there is no one that would understand,

That there is no hope….

It’s the end.

And that is the most terrifying lie to believe.

When we are abused, our views of love

Are completely distorted.

But when we write, we learn to love

The things of our imaginations.

When we are abandoned or controlled,

We lose the voice we once had.

We either abandon it ourselves,

Or we adapt to silence.

When we write though, there is so

Much empowerment and we can

Control the voice that is lost otherwise.

When we are lonely

We become friends

With our paper and pens

Or our screens and keyboards.

Talking to them,

Whispering our secrets,

Singing love songs,

Writing our tears.

They know everything

About our hearts.

But they will never

Be the first one to know.

God is more than just a

Person in the sky,

Or a cop-out from hell.

He is more than anything

That we could ever imagine.

He knows every thought,

Instills in us the beauty of

The words we write,

And is the author of our lives.

As soon as we realize that fact,

Our lives are transformed.

No longer do we need to write

Strictly for our own gratification

But we write to be the storytellers

Of what God has done in our life.

No longer do we lean on depression

To be inspiration, but instead

We can see Christ as the manifestation

Of all perfection and we are drawn by

That and have a desire to show others

The magnificent creation that God has made

Us to be. In all of our flaws, our hurt, our pain,

Our happiness, our accomplishments-

He knows every feeling.

He knows us.

That is the third point.

When we know God to be the only thing

Worth living for, He becomes our

Driving force to the things we write.

He is our inspiration.

The Holy Spirit is our voice.

And we are a testimony

To what Christ’s grace and love

Truly look like, and we become able

To share that Truth with our audience.

He is why I write.

So that I may show people

What loving God is like,

But more so, how He loves us.

So my thoughts are no longer:

“How can I make a means for my end?”

It’s now Philippians 1:21-

“To live is Christ, to die is gain.”

I will live (and write) for Christ now,

But dying will be extraordinary

Because I will be with Christ.

And that is more satisfactory

Than anything that writing

Could ever give to me.