forever

 

The judge's gavel slams down with force

Justice's many participants begin their course

As they leave with their lives intact for another day

The people move in a trance-like blur to the sound away

My mind has stopped to input what has occurred

Many voices speaking at once are now slurred

My heart beats as my legs weaken from the trauma

I think wildly if I can even get help from Obama

But who am I but a lowly scourge of society

Who thought that I would gain notoriety

As what a stone cold killer would provide

I guess everything I thought except even looking outside

I realize that I am crying through tears that I have never known

My tatted up face is washed with the very innocence my eyes sown

My features as tough as they are must give satisfaction

From a man that I will never see again, or a man grants retractions

Those old white eyes have seen many break down to the gavel

They are both cruel, and remorseful alike not able to understand like babble

This dance occurs to the point that is beyond routine

It is disgusting from him to me but to the victim to him just justice pristine

The eyes speak of two truths that bend into one

The cycle will never ever stop or finally be done

These thoughts rush in my mind as I wish I was the prey

But am really a rabid dog that must pay...?

For the crimes of man tries to put a dent...

Into a cycle of hate that others once put up the cents

For the cage that you dare say a human being pay rent?

The court moves at a normal speed as my mind wanders

I constantly remember each step towards my ultimate blunder

Look at me now mom...your song of redemption I never sang

Instead hustle on the corners singing only songs of cruel slang

The night sky was my hunting grounds with the crisp night air

Killing with no impunity all the neighborhood men as well as their heirs

Might as well for they have no fathers to teach them the way

Just killed many generations as in diapers these men lay

Waiting to be men too soon as the night's darkness is a reality

In a hole in a prison, or in the dirt screaming to forever seal me

Am I lucky to be in a prison, or am I unlucky to not be in dirt?

Forever is forever as I realize I will never see a girl in a skirt...

Or a hot meal, my family or friends, or even the Moon

Ah yes, the luminous moon will always exist for the world beyond Noon

I will probably never see it again as night is just staring aimlessy thinking of food

Just staring for hours till I force myself to sleep in solitude

I will be doing that for the rest of my life till I cannot walk, or relieve myself...instead

That will be a blessing for I will smell my feces next to my cramped bed

As a old man I will receive help to live a little more comfortable feeling

The system can have mercy on a old man and give him things that's not stealing

I realize that I thinking toward the future as a feeling of limited freedom

As a old man between being caged like an animal and treated like a kindly seen bum

Will I be kindly after all those years in captivity as a old man that never saw the moon

So who is lucky and who is not as you only wish for death ever so soon

The events of the crime stay imprinted on your mind for the rest of your life

As you have to survive being ever so cautious from killers with their makeshift knifes

The hallways are a death march as you panic at sudden movements left and right

This is your life as the guards can do very little protection in their sight

You will live like this for hours, days, weeks, years, decades in constant strife

The events of the crime stay imprinted on your mind for the rest of your life

The food, or if you can call it that tastes like cardboard as you chew it

Whatever happens that keeps you alive in prison you must do it

You juggle the choices of suicide and survival as the years go by

The gray dirty brick walls is all that you will see as nothing flies by

Every second is recorded in the mind with a regret of the crime

Every other second is recorded in the mind with the regret of the time

They are just the same thoughts over and over till they intertwine

The madness creeps into the mind as it finds its way to distort the truth

You think of the unmarked grave that lead your life to nowhere like a noose

You look up and see the bails bond man take you to your cell

You are carrying a toilet paper, folded clothes, and blanket quietly no yell

The bars move noisily against the metal as it closes with a loud bang

The sound of the gun echoes through the cell as guard walls away from the can

I set myself up as I look at my permanent home for as long as I am alive

I look at the dirty toilet in the corner and cramped bed that into I dive

I watch the insects crawl in the cracks and crevasses of the inter wall

They will live for I do not kill anymore cause its death before the fall

I stare at my new home for 23 hours a day looking at my view

It is a just another wall pass the bars that really is nothing new

Perhaps I will find something that I was not looking for here

Staring madly at the same cracks and crevasses year after year

A villain to some but to friends and family loved by a few others

As the clock goes by, slowly forgotten by all even my mother

The process of life continues for them everyday beyond this cell

My absence is a vacuum filled in by the presence of others doing well

Something that many would contain in anger towards the victim

Something that seeing the same things for over 50 years is what has created this system

Find something similar to solace to the things we can't change and the things we can

Hate is everywhere but understanding why things occur and accepting it like a man

I look at the repetition that is going to be my life and I understand why I am here

Because of the repetition that was my life, and seeing that I now care

I feel something that can keep me sane, alive, well without a dent

The understanding of remorse, kindness, pity, and the feeling we know as repent

I am sorry and now I will survive cause hate ain't nothing to live for

It is what blocks the meaning of solidarity like a lock in this prison door

It will get you killed, or drive you into a deeper realm of madness

You can be there for these young people coming who are dad less

Be a beacon of hope so you can save others as well as yourself from the abyss

You are alive...day one of forever