How do I act?

How do I smile?

How do I think?

How do I know?

 

Am I just paranoid?

Seeing beyond what's there.

Am I just worried?

I'm not what they want me to be.

 

Walking in the halls,

Is that laughing I hear?

Answering a question in class,

Are they gawing at ME?

 

I look around and I see all these people,

Nice hair, expensive clothes.

Brand new cars, daddy pays for their every want.

Mommy comes to their aid every waking moment.

 

I look around in all the people,

I don't see me.

I see skinny girls,

nice bodies,

rich style.

 

Handsome guys,

smell nice,

beautiful smile,

charming of course.

 

On the outside they are trophies to be,

on the inside there is only hatred to be.

Their thoughts are cold and cruel,

their beautiful smiles are full of mockery.

 

So why must I torture myself?

To  want to look like them.

Be like them.

An image created by society.

 

I hide my face behind the makeup,

and the hair.

I hide my beauty within their smiles,

why?

 

I hide my body behind their clothes,

I hide my tears behind their plastic masks.

I hide my heart from their grasps,

why?

 

The confusion and anger I hold for them,

the longing and want to look like them.

The jealousy has over come me,

my self-esteem so low.

The Girl I Long to Be,

I no longer know.