This is what success feels like… taking life’s strikes one by one; dodging left and right like boxers in a championship fight. Bright lights, balconies with better views that the highest kites. This is what success feels like. Fake friends who attempt to make amends once they realize that all those years I was so tense are finally paying off. Females who thought they could have me and him, continuing to live in sin, see me now and grin. Friendly faces, but behind my back they are racing to be the first to watch me fall like the fall leaves. This is what success feels like. Lavish king sized beds, Egyptian sheets, more than enough to eat, maids that count my sheep so I can sleep. Jacuzzis for bath tubs and back rubs… all of this and I still don’t know love… THIS is what success feels like??

Give me victory or give me death. If money meant nothing I would have taken my first breath for free. But even Freedom is a lie because we have it on a lease; and I’ll admit to nearly blowing out my cars speakers when I’m driving alone to drown my thoughts; and I’ll confess to lying every time I’ve been politely asked if I’m ‘doing O.K.’ Questioning their motives; "as if they cared anyway." And I can think of 3 or 300 reasons to explain why I should not be here today; as if I told you it was by God’s grace you would believe me and these words would trigger faith. This is what Victory tastes like: the halfway-eaten, room temperature pancakes my son left on the kitchen table as he and his sister departed for school. Yoplait yogurt that my wife uses as desert, backyard BBQs by pool. This is what Victory sounds like: loved one’s laughter around a bonfire at the beach, the first time my daughter says, “Baba, will you read me a story and teach me how to count my sheep so I can sleep?" This is what Victory feels like: knowing that every early morning and late night paid off in fulfillment. Falling asleep next to my best friend. Freedom to choose to use my vacation days to take my family on a cruise.

Victory means I can finally rest. Give me victory or give me death.