I remember back in the days when I would race against other kids in my elementary school for fun. Sometimes I would beat them by a stride or two. I’ve had long ones and close ones, but I knew inherently that I wanted to run and prove to myself first and foremost and to anyone else who watched that I would be victorious. This would continue through middle school as well, and to be honest, I don’t think that just because I don’t physically run against others as much as I did with ease when I was younger, the races never end. The race of life, that is, but we’ll get to that later...

I remember when I would watch my brothers play video games like Street Fighter, NBA Jam, Madden, and Donkey Kong Country in their room; the sunlight shining through the partially opened window seals on a relatively calm Sunday morning, cunningly sneaking towards eleven or noon after we’ve all came home from mass while our mom cooks breakfast in the kitchen.

i remember how it was fun to be that young and barely have a care in the world, not being totally sure what my future would consist of. That was probably 5, 6, maybe 7 years old. Now 20 looking ahead to 21, a brother’s only trying to wonder when he’s going to have some of that real fun ever again.

I remember those days when I would beat opponents by speed. Now going into high school to transition that speed into both speed AND natural strength through football was more than just a major call. The legs, the arms, the core, the explosion that would flow from my mind through my heart and eventually up through my body….no one man should have this much power…

I remember being very active in middle school, being I was the 4th tallest in my class overall, right behind another Black kid and two white kids, who just so happened to the real prime athletes in the class. One of them ended up being a major baseball prospect, drafted in 2010 to the Toronto Blue Jays. However, now he’s playing in a minor league team for the time being or something…Anyhow… Where was I?

I remember, as I was trying to say before…Oh yeah, volleyball, basketball, flag football, you name it, I tamed it. Haters think of multiple ways to blame it on my ability whenever I mess up, not knowing I’d be the very first to ‘fess up just to clear this mess up, and that’s what’s up. God blessed me with these early physical gifts that would continue to flourish, never to impoverish or abolish, but if necessary demolish any and all who oppose me, the natural foes, you see?

i remember how these foes initially started to sprout all about with any little doubt in my mind that they were only looking for a physically and mentally unfair kind of bout. It would start in preschool with a young boy named Jamie Weiner. Looking back, he wasn’t all that big, and yet I feel as if he just towered over me by a fair amount of inches. He had a little brother who was around my age who was a lot nicer than his big bro was. Jamie would tease me for days on end and sometimes physically harass me through much frustration.

i remember that there were more bullies than just Jamie alone. Those other ones came and went from grade school and into middle school. They would continue to harass me, tease me, mess with me, and physically try to disturb my peace, my personal space was always in case, I never felt right in my mental place, ‘cause my mental pace was going too fast for me to catch up in that particular race. However, life doesn’t tend to ease up that easily, it just never seemed to be for me, ever that appeasing to me. All I could hope for was my fam to believe in me, but then again, when it came to some instances, there were times when I felt like I would be better off never telling them at all…

i remember when I was good friends with my old neighbor, Lance Kennedy. His parents and my parents have been good friends for many years. My brothers and I would go to hang out at his house, play video games, swim in their pool, eat, whatever. Whatever the occasion, the times seemed to be chill and amazing. It only seemed right that we would go to middle school. From there, a marvelous yet makeshift myriad of events would string together in sequences that would test our relationship up and down.

I remember us waking up around 6 in the morning, just to freshen up, eat breakfast, and head to meet up with Lance around 6:30. From there we would walk to our bus stop through the quiet, cool, modest morning breeze and appropriately somber sunrise as it would approach past 7. As the bus would pick us up and take us to school, we would chill, listen to music, and talk about all kinds of things. Some students would try to clown us, but we always made sure to have each other’s backs. In the meantime, it would only seem as if we would instantly arrive at the flourishing, vibrant school that is Richardson Prep Hi. All of these other students surrounding me, these teachers here to inspire me to fly higher than anybody could see. Two of my older brothers went here with their friends and remained friends with them as well through high school.

I remember always trying to compare my life to my older brothers, always aspiring to want what they have, do what they can do physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Having that innate type of swagger and boldness to be outgoing and inspire each other to work hard and be great. Sure they inspire me, but the vibe was simply nothing else but “big brother, little brother.” Everybody with at least one sibling could amend to such statements. Just like life, there is always someone better than you in some range of the imagination. It doesn’t matter what you do or who you are, someone will be better than you. You can be bigger than someone and get high on your power, or be considered the runt of the litter, as I was, and have any type of self-esteem you have either blown up or brought down by your elder siblings. Fortunately for me, I had the ones who would put me down a lot and tease me CONSTRUCTIVELY in order for me to show up and defend myself…

I remember one time when Lance and I skipped our after-school program one Friday to hang with another classmate of ours. We went with him and his younger brother, rode our bikes around the neighborhood on our way to eat at this then-recently built Jack-in-the-Box to grab some food. We all set our bikes on top of each other before going inside. We ordered our food and just as we got our food and were about to eat, our friend’s little brother suddenly pointed out that one of our bikes had just been stolen, and it just so happened to be my own. The shock and hysteria overwhelmed me so much, but I knew instantly that we had to scour the neighborhood up and down to find my bike…sadly to no avail. Needless to say, my parents were less than thrilled to find this out later that weekend.

i remember another time when Lance’s influence landed me into a state of trouble that I sometimes find myself climbing out of to this very day. It was when Lance and I started shoplifting from a supermarket. The items were minor in the grand scheme of things; AXE deodorant, teeth whitening strips, cologne, you know it. Back then, our hormones were the true cause for our petty crimes I guess. We were all about trying to get girls back then by any means, although to be honest, I wasn’t sure if Lance himself really got with any girls from our school.

i remember having a few crushes back in 5th grade. Somewhat fortunately, these crushes would follow well through middle school, with a few more on top. Yes, I felt it was OK even back then to have multiple crushes. Sadly, that wouldn’t really prevent me from getting crushed even more. One girl in particular that I was very in love with from elementary school was Niala Lessard. She was cute, nice, and was one of the leading cheerleaders and “band geek.” I only call her that now ‘because I would eventually watch American Pie by that time or later on. Not totally clear…but nonetheless, there was her, this girl named Elaine, and Tori…and supposedly, slowly but surely, there was this other girl, Katherine, although I initially wasn’t feeling her much. She was a wild card, didn’t know how to make her out. But she was a good friend. That was an early sign of me attracting quirky, weird people, both boys and girls. I honestly didn’t understand why, but I was just happy to have some real friends anyway. Anyway…

i remember one day, in 8th grade, Lance and I were on the bus one Friday afternoon on our way home from a mild, mundane day at Richardson. He was pressuring me to tell Niala how I felt about her. I talked to him about her sometimes. There were even times when I somehow laid out hints to other classmates that I had feelings for her. She was on our bus towards the front while we were in the back. Just when her stop was approaching, I knew that my time window was shutting up slowly yet accordingly. I just went to see her and ask her out for a date of some kind. She honestly did not reply and quickly got off the bus. Chalk that up for another embarrassing endeavor for yours truly. Needless to say, besides a quick dance with her at our Homecoming/Graduation end-of-the-year dance, Niala and I never really talked that much since then, if not at all. I would probably think that I was thinking about forever long before Frank Ocean did when it came to Niala and me, yet it was never meant to be, I suppose…especially now that she has been together with one of our classmates basically since middle school. Oh well…

i remember Lance and me stealing from the Stater Bros. right near our house probably three or four times before security from above caught us and took us upstairs. They took our pictures, placed them on their wall of shame or whatever, and made us sit down while they called our parents. Somehow, someway, Lance convinced me to tell the security guard that I was the leader in all of this and that he had nothing to do with this. He walked off free, me never knowing whether or not he ever told his parents TO THIS VERY DAY. Meanwhile I only waited in reckless, flustering nervousness, waiting to see which one of my parents was coming. Somehow, my senses were just wavering back and forth until it was my dad who finally showed up…

i remember us walking out of the supermarket and towards his truck. For some strange reason, his green GMC truck wouldn’t start for several minutes, thus adding on top the imminent frustration he was already experiencing. As if God himself was truly steering the wheel on this situation, my father and I took that long, erringly awkward walk back to our house. Once we got home, he did not hesitate to chew me up and spit me out verbally and physically. He beat my ass so bad that I just couldn’t stop sobering for hours on end. When my mom eventually got home, it was far from getting any better. Simply put, through this and multiple other situations involving Lance, I simply could not and would not continue this kind of nonsense. I was getting into trouble with my parents, friends were somewhat distant from me whenever I with him. But besides that, I made the best of my time in middle school, although looking back, I wish there were more things I would want to change. Nonetheless, I was rather looking forward to high school in a multitude of ways…

I remember going into Aquinas High School more anxious than nervous for various reasons, one big one being that my older brother Chike was a senior there. I couldn’t ask for a better source of protection. I would drive to school with him, watch him practice or work out, and just hang out with him and his friends sometimes in between classes. Of course, I had my own friends there as well, some of my best friends there might I add, definitely a lot better than that b****-a** n**** Lance ever was (excuse me language lol). Jake Henderson, Jim Jones, Derrick Radden, Nick Schodelbauer, and those were just the same guys that I would end up captaining our football team our senior year, but that’s for another day. With all these good friends, my brother watching me back physically, even if it was for that one year before heading to Stanford, all of these wonderful teachers giving me knowledge and encouragement, I was fortunate to go there.

I remember my time well there, all the things I partook in. Four years on ASB with my first year as class president, football team for three years starting my sophomore year, all the community service events I took part of as well, the plays that I was part of that inspired me to try to reach for my dreams to become an actor, the dances, the basketball games I went to as part of our Mob Squad, and most importantly, and I can’t help but continue to praise my friends and teachers for guiding me through this time, most importantly to UCLA. Yet, fast forward over two years later, after being on the football team, going through the parties, the games, and the little attention I received, I feel as if my pace slowed down tremendously since being forced to leave the team…

I remember a time when I went through all kinds of friends, some good ones that I wish I talked to more, some friends who seemed good for the bad reasons only to be exposed as such, through much heartache and headache I might add, friends who I honestly wished I had a better relationship now, a greater will to do more things that would actually help me at this point…Above all, as you might think to yourself by now, a mind that doesn’t travel through all of these different lanes at once. A mind that had was calmer and planned things out quicker and with more rational thought; a mind that simply had more common sense…and would completely and utterly block out any notions of deceiving itself most of the time. Maybe if I had a mind like this, maybe most of these things, these memories would have somewhat altered, if not slightly, better endings than they currently have up to this point. But then again, these memories are what make me who I am. Besides, just like one of my favorite artists of all time once said, “Everything I’m not made me everything I am.” I am not just a(n) [ex-]football player, I am not just an aspiring actor/screenwriter/producer and overall “entrepreneurial entertainer,” I am not just a Nigerian-American born and raised in the “Dirty Dino” [San Bernardino] out in the I.E….I am Uchenna Eugene Amajoyi. My name means “God’s Wish.”

These are the things I carry with me in this race of life. These are all the memories that form within my mind and evolve my emotions with everlasting energy and expectations. These are the things that I/i remember…