Heart Racing

I fell in love with you outside in the spring when the ground was soft and the colors around us were dull but beginning to brighten slowly. The blooming flowers sadly represent us in a sense. We are but budding babies not experienced enough to know that winter will come all too soon. I look into your eyes, smell chocolate, your breath hits my mouth for a moment, I wonder if I’ll have this sugary taste on my tongue for much longer. It’s not fair to assume it’s all over. It’s not fair to assume this is wrong. It’s fair to assume we’re not thinking. For that is an assumed truth. You surprise me constantly at the same time you don’t. But when you smile and say your unhappy, well, this situation has a lack of words. I know this is scaring me to death because I don’t know the difference between exhilaration and happiness. And as you push against the restraint of the walls confine you, I wonder, what am I doing? Here with you my heart is racing. I’ve fallen in love before but never obsessed. Since the first day we met I meant to own you. I did. We became friends and somewhere I let my walls fall into disrepair that love sunk in through the ground into my soul. So I don’t know what this is. It reminds me of my parents’ love doesn’t every daughter stray away from their mother’s life as if they can. Here I fear I’m turning into her. And at the same time I’m reading great ideas of naturalists that say live as you want for life is so short. I realize they mean alone. But I’ve always been with you if not in reality, then in heart.