I

Am a hurricane.

They call it a destructive natural weather occurrence

And they name it after people.

This one is Camryn.

I didn't always used to be this way but I find it interesting that it started this last fall

Back when my best friend and I thought we had it all

We got high off of two boys whose sense of humor

was stronger than their egos

We layed on rooftops

and stargazed

There was daylight to run in

And races to win

Life was easy

At least for a while

People changed

And people left

But they had already made their mark

I started running in the rain

So one could see my tear stains

But they were there

Because you can't have a hurricane

Without precipitation.

That winter I was in the deep end

And memories were drowning me

See I call myself sentimental

But really I'm just mental

I put good times up on a pedestal and worship them because dear god

I wish things were as simple

as back then.

Back when I was 15 I fell in love with material things

Clothing and shopping and places I’d never even been to

But 16 i fell in love with people and the memories connected to them

This was a problem

I knew it was stupid but I couldn’t let go

Moments were shards of glass

I was hanging on too tight

Knuckles white

and my hands were bleeding

all I was needing was

a peace of mind

a sense of stability

They say it's always calm

after the storm

But what happens if you are the storm.

The hurricane wasn't slowing down

The world wouldn't stop spinning around

I was numb and making a mess of things

I was in a race with my thoughts and they were faster than me

So I had no choice but to slow down

Slow down

Stop.

The rain eventually became a mist this spring

At 15 I fell in love with things

and at 16 I fell in love with memories

But at 17 I fell in love with me

Not in a conceited way

but I realized

I needed to fall for myself

before i tripped over anyone else

I still hold onto memories too tight

Sometimes they get the best of me

And I know its not the same as it used to be

But I’m a firm believer in someday

So until then

I’m making my way

From cynical to positive

Here's the thing

I

Am a hurricane

Just like weather forecasts

I’m unpredictable

But I guess I’m more interesting that way