I wish I could go back in time and slap my "best friend" for stealing my crush.
I wish I would've burst her bubble and told her that he liked me first.
That no good, boyfriend stealing, human I befriended because I didn't want to admit I had no friends.
I feel so sorry for that poor, unslapped cheek.

I wish I could go back in time and tell my elementary school bully that she was wrong.
I am not an ugly little nobody with no friends and no boyfriend.
I am an ugly little nobody with a boyfriend and friends that I have to remind myself that I'm still alive.
And my boyfriend loves me more than the hatred in your heart.
Or at least I think he does.
Sometimes I forget.

I wish I could write a book about all the pain that I feel.
But I can only do so with the scars that parade across my thighs.

While my sick grandmother searched for her glasses in the dark,
I was in the bathroom writing "I hate myself" all over my arms and stomach and thighs.

I wonder if my boyfriend ever gets tired of hearing me cry.
I have no witty poetic verse to put here, I just sometimes wonder.

I shouldn't be telling you this,
but between love
and hate
and bullies
and cutting
and suicide;
I've been through it all.
and to be honest: I'm just as lost as you are.

But I can tell you this:
I didn't slap my "best friend" because I have a heart.
And that bully in elementary school, I wish you the best.
Boyfriend, you are the first person I've ever met to make me believe in love, and yet question it everyday.
I've just got to be honest.
Grandma, I'm sorry you fell looking for your glasses.

I'm just a teen trying to put the pieces together of what we call life.
A horrible poet with only one dream that will never come true:
I dream of waking up to butterflies and sunshine
and feeling happy to be alive.
I dream of looking at a pair of scissors, and only seeing that.
I dream of never dreaming of hanging from my mother's ceiling fan.

I wish I could be normal.

I shouldn't be telling you this,
but I already have.
Go ahead and tease me,
my razor's over there.