Me, well where to start??
A young boy six years of age
Mom taken by cancer
me full of rage...
Raised in church every sunday and Christian school and sorta popular somewhat cool
but know god well…
I'm not sure i did.
see 8 years old and more trouble was brewing LYIN CHEATIN STEALIN were the things I was doing.
I mean Only 2nd grade and my thoughts the devil did invade.
on the outside well people would think I was ok.
Still 2nd grade and outside at play one day I heard the devil say
Ben this ain't worth it
your moms gone
your dad don't care
you've done so much wrong that god left.. He ain't there
But hey, hey said the devil I have a solution…To get rid of... YOU…cause everyone knows…YOU'RE the pollution…it's your fault your fault your mother died cause I know when U were little U told some lies....
So now said the devil
take that long sleeve and tie it around your neck pull it tight and
try not to fight cause breathing might get harder but
I know what to do cause I'm the devil I'm smarter
I was fading fast that sleeve didn't let much air pass
…but suddenly it was off my neck my teacher asked
Ben what the heck...
are YOU doing?
Killing myself was my reply
The devil had come in and
invaded my inside
She said Ben,
“Jesus loves you and made you special. he put you here for a reason and he loves you even if you commit high treason.”
But a few years later…5th grade to be exact I had to switch schools cause money my family lacked
now my faith was growing strong but at a new school my life quickly went wrong
was a big change
my new school the sin was at a much wider range
It was strange cause when I got there the only bad word I knew was SHUT UP. but within a month my new vocab added up.
By 7th grade language wasn't the only thing I wasn't supposed to do
the info I'm about to share not many people in my life have been exposed to
See language was a problem but not my addiction but
the Internet is where I'd go to relieve life's friction
my addiction was pornography that was how I rid myself of the pain
inside of me
the screen was my source of entertainment
nobody knew cause
I hid that part of me in containment
heck when it came to lust
I didn't know what refrain meant but
in my church-life
I was well…
a SAINT to them.
But one night at a campfire god hit me
“Ben this life you live ain't what I've called you too you can only have one god and right now you're trying to worship two.”
So I got up from there with a changed mind
I asked for forgiveness and
“leave that sin behind.”
Now the point of this is not that I'm PERFECT
cause all fall
but now I have GOD
to him I resort
I realized that summer night that identity isn't what people think of me it's not the sin in me it's not what anyone can see
identity is found in HIM and HIM alone
because he came down from his thrown
because he knew I couldn't do it on MY OWN
I Am Free!
Not because of me
My Identity is in